29 December 2009

A trip I wish we really didn't have to make...S**T!!

Tomorrow OH and I will travel up to London to the Royal Marsden Hospital, for a 2.15pm appointment with a specialist, Prof. Thomas (yup...he has been googled, lots ...he's extremely good)
His previous stay in hospital turned out not to be his appendix, but a 7cm tumor called a soft tissue sarcoma. So, for obvious reasons, I wish we weren't having to make it at all.

There ::breathe out:: I've written it down now....in black & white, all very matter of fact. But believe me, until now, I have been incapable of writing that down without getting so irrationally angry, I physically couldn't write it. I'm not angry because of the time they took to find it, in the great scheme of things, it was only a couple of days of delay and they were completely right not to have operated on him at the time.

But I am just ANGRY. ANGRY. ANGRY!!
The anger hasn't abated or diluted in any way either, which in the normal run of events it does/should. But of course, to be replaced by other emotions.....therein, I do understand, lies the problem.

I know it's not healthy to hold on to so much anger, but I have to. Because I'm too scared not to.

Sorry to be such a party-pooper in this time of celebrations, and I am actually, oddly, sort of OK (well, apart from the anger!). But I just really felt the need to write this down RIGHT NOW, so I went with the flow.

Much love....and I wish you all a very Happy, Healthy New Year.. xxx


  1. Oh no, good luck for tomorrow x

  2. Really sorry...and yes I bet you are angry. I was trying to see if you had an email but you don't. My H had one too but it turned out to be benign. Is it malignant?
    I hope you get some answers tomorrow, there is nothing worse than not knowing all the facts.
    Thinking of you all. Take care. x

  3. Oh!! Many prayers and good thoughts coming your way! I know you are angry and are right to be. I think once you know all the facts then you will be able to move past the anger. Stay strong and know we are here for you! XX

  4. Looking Fab: Many thanks x

    Emily O: Many thanks x

    ChicMama: Thank you SO much for your email. 2 weeks for biopsy results, so the 14th Jan here we come..

    Gigi: Thank you for your prayers and good thoughts, keep 'em coming, please..xx

  5. Sending masses and masses of positive vibes your way.

    Much love from your auntie


  6. auntiegwen: Everything positive very gratefully accepted, as I honestly don't seem able to be at the moment, yet I know I should, thank you. xx