23 August 2009

Teenagers on Facebook.....

Over the weekend, I removed my Teenage Daughter as a ‘Friend’ on Facebook.

Why you may wonder?

In the interest of my Mental Health…let me try to explain…..

Of course some of you may also be wondering why on earth I would have her on my friends list in the first place. It can only end in tears…..

We live in the same house (she is only 15, sorry, ‘Nearly 16!!’). So why would I need to see her on FB. Well, I admit, possibly to keep up to date with her social life, her friends. Maybe to help me feel I’m still a part of her life, as she is growing up and away, (sob) which is as it should be… Or maybe I’m just plain nosey...?? Come on, be honest, who doesn’t want to know a little of what their Teenagers are really up to?? They can truly be the most secretive of creatures. Which we were also, so I do understand and respect this. I promise I do! I try really hard!

Also please, don’t get me wrong, we do have lots of conversations, and lots of them are engaging, funny and even make sense! But, sometimes, particularly at the moment, they seem to consist of a sort of abbreviated, shorthand language…

ME: ‘Have you d….’

TD: ‘I know……’

ME: Ok…’

TD: ‘I said, I know’

ME: ‘I was just asking, as you said that last ti…’

TD: ‘Alright.. I KNOW!'


(All in one breathe, I might add)

TD: ‘I can’t believe (please feel free to insert any of the current, popular names of teenage girls in any of these xxx) said that about xxxx, that is just so mean, just because xxxx said so and so about xxxx, they can’t go round saying things like that abou….’

ME tentatively: ‘Maybe they should sort it out between themselves?’ (Seeing the writing on the wall)

TD: ‘But they’re my friends, and xxxx shouldn’t be saying that about xxxx

ME: ‘Yes, I agree, but if you start telling xxxx what xxxx has said or taking sides you’ll just end u….’

TD: ‘Yes…alright…I KNOW…!’

…and these are the conversations that give me most cause for concern….as we all know, if acted upon (and they are, frequently as TDs ‘injustice’ button is fully pushed), how they end…..But will TD listen? Like hell she will!

I can already hear you thinking 'No surprise there then…’…but then we are looking at this through the eyes of our own maturity, wisdom and that wonderful thing hindsight…Hah! But we all recognise that interfering in others arguments will only cause you pain.

To hear, from her personally, of being out of favour with friends, because she believes she has acted in someone else’s best interests, is painful enough. To actually watch it unfold via FB is enough to make me cry.

….it breaks my heart.

My daughter, who is big hearted, brave, clever, kind, funny, extremely loyal, hates injustice with a passion, outspoken, I swear…she doesn’t edit anything in her head before it comes out, (which can have its hilarious moments) and can be stubborn...Always, and I mean ALWAYS seems to get the rough end of the deal in every one of these conflicts. And of course, that would be because of those same qualities which make her the individual she is, the person I love, and admire, and I sincerely hope she never loses them…. but perhaps just a little ‘Fine Tuning?!?

I don’t want her to hurt for any reason. As the person who carried her, loved and nurtured her, helped and watched her grow into the beautiful young adult she now is, my instinct is to protect. I still want to scoop her up and tell her everything will be fine (a bit difficult as she is already taller than me) the way I could when she was little, where I could kiss and soothe it all away. I know I can’t do it the same way anymore…..

She wants to deal with it, in fact insists, her way and on her own. And she’s right of course, I agree with her. How many Teenagers do you know, who will listen, let alone follow advice or suggestions from a Parent..I've not met one yet. But it’s so, so hard. All I can hope is that, over her 15 years, sorry again, ‘nearly 16!!’, I've given her some kind of direction, and trust that at some point she will learn and understand, when necessary to ‘Let people sort it out themselves and not interfere’ ….but I think it may be some time!

I find the sniping and bitchiness on FB, quite shocking. Is this the way they all talk to each other now? Admittedly, it is mainly, but not exclusively, in the ‘Teenage’ realm. My daughter included I might add, please, my love is blinkered, not blind! So a lesson learned, by me.....I think.

So, I’m not sure I want to watch it on FB anymore, it’s too painful and far too tempting to interfere.In fact I have done so a couple of times (but in private,on ‘chat’ not in public) to TD..erm....er..Uh-oh!

….Aha!!..(OMG! OMG! Please, just shoot me now..)

But of course, when I do it, it’s NOT interfering..*cough* *splutter*

Oh dear!…….What sort of Mother am I…

20 August 2009

It is a MINT plant...HONEST!

Having Teenagers can make me say the most ridiculous things, and I'm not sure why. If you have Teenagers then I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.

Dinner this evening, surprisingly, had most of us sitting down to eat at the same time. This is something of a rarity nowadays...(small sob...). Only Large Son was missing. Medium Son & Small Son, plus Medium Son's fairly new girlfriend, my OH, Teenage Daughter and myself.

Now if your home is anything like mine, things get dumped all over the place, and left there for weeks at a time, despite my constant reminders.... until I'm boring even myself.... of course in Teenage speak read 'NAG' followed by the eye roll...any wonder no one listens to me anymore!

.....and unfortunately the kitchen table is definitely one of those dumping places.

Currently on my kitchen table are the following:

1 Large wooden fruit bowl, fruit included.
1 Sketchbook (OK...I admit that one is mine..and yes I will move it!).
1 Copper Mongolian Hotpot, and various implements, which allegedly go with said Hotpot.
1 Water saving gadget/gizmo that came in the post.
1 Monkey Jeans Label (Quite cute, but...huh?).
1 Mint plant.

As and when needs demand, the accumulated crap is shoved to one side to enable people to sit and have room to eat.

We were tucking into a lovely (!) Chicken Korma, when Medium Son asks...

'Is that a Mint plant?'

...despite that fact it has a big label saying 'MINT' on it....to be fair it does also say MUNT MINZE MENTA having been bought by OH at LIDL.

'Yes'.....I say...'but it does also say MUNT MINZE ME...'

Teenage Daughter interrupting loudly: 'I thought you said MINGE...?' this from a girl who is mortified, and yes I mean MORTIFIED, by discussing anything relating to the female body! (that's a whole other post! or several)

While I tried to stop Chicken Korma leaving my nose, TD caught my eye...

TD: 'What..??'

Me: 'I was just wondering what a 'MINGE' plant would look like..?'

TD: 'Muuum....!!!!'

Just in time for me to look over and see OH with a whimsical look, a twinkle in his eye and a raised eyebrow...

.....I'm definitely NOT clearing that from the kitchen table!

Oh, and do you think we made a good impression on MS's fairly new girlfriend???

19 August 2009

Why is it never simple...

All I want are some gorgeous, custom made, stylish (I'm thinking white... maybe???) kitchen splash backs. I have hankered after these for a while. All through the hammering, banging and scraping involved in removing a 1970s', yes honestly, a genuine 70's MFI kitchen, plus matching brown & beige tiles, on walls and floor, I envisaged smooth, glossy glass behind our lovely wooden worktops. Very grown up. All the lovely new Ikea units are now fitted, by both myself and my Other Half. At this point I must say I was inordinately pleased with myself, as by the end of putting all the units together, I didnt need the instructions..YAY go me....unfortunately my Other Half never has! So that was a rather short lived euphoria. All the lovely shiny appliances are in situ. It has taken us about 10 months...is it really that long?.. to get to this point, but it has been all our own work.

So last Friday we set off to a local glass shop and arranged for a man who knows about these things to come and measure, he will be arriving on Thurs (tomorrow...eeek!!).

Well, we already knew we (Can I say we...?) would have to move a couple of electric sockets first.

Simple you think....

OH: 'Not a problem, shouldn't take too long, just channel a b...' sorry but that's about where I think I stopped concentrating (listening?...of course I am) I was obviously distracted by my mounting excitement about glass splash backs....But I did get the gist.

Then we remembered I had purchased some very snazzy looking 'underlights' for the cabinets...
all with cables...of course! So yesterday & today has been spent with OH hacking away at bits of wall to re-channel cables, and having to remove said kitchen units to feed cables everywhere! My lovely kitchen looked like it had gone back 8 months. Dust everywhere, units on the floor, tools in piles on every surface, you get the picture. I do know the end result will be worth it and its only a case of clearing up, but why oh why is nothing simple?!

And of course there's been no mention of the Teenagers. That's because they were all completely happy with the fact that the kitchen was out of commission and they got a fish & chip supper, on their laps round the TV! RESULT!!


I'm hoping to share my experiences of life with teenagers. The joys, and yes, I promise there are some. Along with the frustrations, chaos and fun of sharing a home with 4 children, who I can still, just about remember as wobbly toddlers with huge nappy clad bottoms, and could fit on my knee, but who actually resemble hulking 6ft poles, who only just fit on the sofa!