26 February 2010

"I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly"

What an interesting couple of days we've had with TD this week!

A little background...

It starts with the age old story of a Teenage Girl, who is one of
TDs friends, who has had a boyfriend for 6 months (also one of TDs friends), playing away from home, and lots it would seem. Unfortunately, TD had actually been present, evenings at friends houses, parties etc, on a couple of these occasions.

Late last week, the boyfriend had heard whispered rumors from others, and knowing that TD had been present, asked her
directly if anything had gone on between his girlfriend and one in particular, apparently notoriously bad boy (also friends with all involved..a bit of a charmer, or smarmy git whichever way you want to read it) during an evening at friends, that he hadn't gone to.
Erm..um"...was how her reply started. TD said she then, suddenly, felt fed up with lying & covering up for the girlfriend, also, she felt sympathy for the boyfriend, who she said is a "lovely, sweet person and a really good friend"....so continued with "Yes, something did happen and you need to talk to them about it". Oh s**t s**t s**t was my first thought... this can only end in tears.

I feel, personally, she made a mistake, that she should have denied, said no comment, anything to avoid answering the question. I understand that's my reaction as her mum, because I knew it would've protected her from any of the fallout. But how many adults, let along 16yr
olds, have figured that one out yet? As we know, it's the person doing the telling that always ends up in the wrong, with everyone.

Now, I'm a mum of 4. TD is my youngest, so I'm not some rose-coloured spectacle wearing novice when it comes to believing
absolutely everything that comes from my teenagers mouths. Teens DO lie, for many different reasons, and I'm the first to hold my hands up and admit I have made mistakes before..
So I did question TD as to whether she was sure about it. She told me "Yes and why would I lie? what do I get from that?" (Mmm? let me just ponder that one for a second..umm.. attention? the bad sort yes, but attention all the same) She then told me the name of the girl...and I looked at her with raised eyebrows... "Yes ::sigh:: mum, the same one"...
And that was the clincher for me, because you see, one of the occasions I mentioned earlier happened in my own home. Said teenage girl, TD and a different teen boy were spending time in her room (PC stuff, loud music so on). About an hour later TD came down, with her hand over her mouth,
OMG! style, and hissed at me "You won't believe what's going on up there!!??!".. "What??" I asked... "Teen Girl is getting off with Teen Boy!!" "I couldn't stay in there any longer...Ewww! It's gross, and in front of me!". I said she needed to go back upstairs so nothing too serious went on, but they were together, weren't they? so surely a little smooching comes with the territory??
"NO, he's not her boyfriend!! Muuumm, don't you listen to anything I tell you?" (Okay, I'm old, you can't expect me to know all their names...purlease!)..
"Ah, I see"...

TD did go back upstairs, almost immediately, still fairly grossed out and indignant.

End of background...

Ending in tears is exactly what did happen. All involved denied
anything had happened, ooh what a surprise! Of course they did! They then turned it round and accused TD of lying...which, thanks to modern technology, flew round all the social networks, with the result that TD ended up receiving nearly 2 days worth of the most obnoxious, vile, name calling insults I have ever seen, over most of them..

So TD, at the moment, apart from half a dozen very close and loyal friends, who at various times had seen first hand evidence of the same behaviour from the Teen Girl, and defended TD to the hilt, is Persona non Grata amongst the many others.

What I've learned from this experience is how much I admire my Daughter. Through all the insults, she
never once replied in an antagonistic way. I know this, because I read every single one of them, and then went away and cried a little.

At first, when reading them, what I found most odd, were that all the insults hurled at her were to do with the way she dressed (comfortable, and a tad grungy) the way she looks (she's 5' 10" and a little overweight) her piercings, her little tattoo, her two-tone hair, it was all mentioned, yet only a couple mentioned anything to do with lying.

It was like reading something from a bunch of 6 yr
olds in the playground...extremely cruel and verbally foul vicious 6 yr olds.

TD is a 'good' person. I explained to her that all the things they said are within her power to change, almost overnight, if
she chooses to, they are only superficial, outward changes. Unfortunately for the ones insulting her, they have much more work to do...

Then for some strange reason, I woke the following morning with Winston
Churchills famous quote "I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly" in my head?!?! WTF!
I later realised it's because it's quite apt. When I told TD this quote, in relation to the ongoing situation, she understood instantly, her mouth wide open in shock at my perception, obviously!

Needless to say, TD now believes she is Winston Churchill...


  1. bloody hell. teenagers are idiots ha ha.... at least most of them grow up. Poor TD hope she's OK- funny to think she's walking around believeing she's Winston though!


  2. I had a big rant a while ago about the toxicness than can pervade the social networks. Poor TD, but I kinda like it when my children buck the trend.

    Love to you all xxxx

  3. TD's a hero. Simple. It's not easy to speak up amongst or against your peers. Good for her

  4. A standing ovation for TD for showing she is the bigger, better person and for you for raising her to be that way. Must have been awful for both of you.
    A girl who is sort of my 'neice' for no apparent reason friended me on FB ( she is the only teen whose life I see unfold in this netowkring space) and recently split up with her boyfriend. The other kids immediately took sides and the putrid toxic nastiness some of them spewed forth was just horrendous.
    So well done for surviving it, together.

  5. Your poor TD, that's terrible. What an awful situation to be in, they can be so cruel and its so easy nowdays.Nice Friends!! :0( I hope she is okay. xx
    There is an award for you at mine. xx

  6. Ugghh. Kids can be awful! Good for her for taking the high road. At least she now knows who her true friends are.

  7. Oh haven't we all been there. Poor girl but truth will out in time. What goes around comes around and those horrors will get their cumuppance in time. All it takes is patience. Kids can be horrible, thankfully your girl has the right attitude and moral stance. Yes you are right to be proud of her.

  8. Teens can be such tossers *sigh*. Your TD, however, has a good heart and that, above all things, is A Good Thing. She's done right by ignoring all the facile insults and sticking to her guns. Bless her, I'd be dead proud :o)

  9. Teens can be so so mean! Clearly you are doing and amazing job. *applause! Yeah you.

  10. Like TD, my daughter is very much one for calling a spade a spade rather than lie when asked outright. It's hard to argue tact and diplomacy when they feel an allegiance to the one being cheated upon.

    It sounds trite to say that she is finding out who her real friends are because I know that doesnt really help much with today's modern technology spreading insults and calumnies far and wide about the innocent messenger rather than the perpetrators of the crime. I sincerely hope that the wronged boyfriend realises just what a good friend TD is and stops carrying a torch for his unfaithful lady. However, life being what it is, that never seems to happen.

    Thanks for posting. It's always good to know that other parents go through similar problems with their teenagers.