When fate hands you a lemon, make lemonade...That SUCKS!!!

Yes, I am officially missing my funny bone (or any funny place to be fair) at present.

So, OK, here I was, blissfully enjoying my *sabbatical* from work, after 28 years of hard graft, through marriage, 5 pregnancies, births, 3 months off with each baby, divorce (OK, just the usual stuff all of us mums go through in life)...

Then this year, a lovely, very large lump (oh, the irony of that word!!) sum of early severance which paid off ALL our combined debts (yes, really, nothing, nada, nil) with leftover for me to peruse the job front at a very (read ::very::) leisurely pace.

Then wouldn't you just know it (actually I should have really, shouldn't I?....Duh)....

.....Life goes and serves us a nice BIG, FAT, JUICY lemon!

No, nothing much has really changed from yesterdays post, apart from a rather bizarre meeting today with the lovely, and very esteemed consultant, Prof. M. Thomas at The Royal Marsden Hospital. Bizarre, as at some points I couldn't really tell if he was talking to us or dictating into his little machine, which he kept rewinding midway through sentences to check where he was, then stopping to tell/ask us something, but sort of all at the same time.

At his request, I was pulling all OH's meds out of a carrier bag (I know, how so un-PC and so very trendy of me!..Not!) which happened to be under the very chair he was sitting on, so I was therefore crouched down, in front of him, between his knees, whilst he, still dictating, and looking down at me with bushy, wiggly eyebrows asked "how many?"..click..whiz...."Oh that's rather a lot, 2 a day you say?"..click....whiz...."Monica comma Iliac vessels, posterior, Psoas muscle stop New paragraph"...."does he need to take that many?"(YES! Fuck, he does, you try sleeping next to the person you love while he's quietly whimpering in pain in his sleep!!)...click....whiz...
As I said, rather bizarre! And I think if my funny bone could have been located this would've been the time...

Anyway, the upshot is actually more or less the same, a 7cm tumor. But what we did find out is that it's wrapped around his Iliac vessels. A biopsy was taken (definitely ouch, after all it was only a curtain between us) and the results will be ready next Thursday. But as any operation will also involve a Vascular surgeon, the best of which happens to be away till the beginning of the week after next, OH now has an appointment for the results on the 14th Jan.

So, I'm sort of hoping that the wonderful Prof. Thomas, in his infinite wisdom..click...whiz..., knows that damn recipe for 'Lemonade' because at the moment I sure as hell don't....stop

But of course, all and any recipes for 'that' Lemonade most humbly & gratefully accepted...

:::Shit!... does this post now mean I've moved on from just plain ANGER?...because I just read this back and I don't see very much anger here??!?:::What's the next stage??:::

A trip I wish we really didn't have to make...S**T!!

Tomorrow OH and I will travel up to London to the Royal Marsden Hospital, for a 2.15pm appointment with a specialist, Prof. Thomas (yup...he has been googled, lots ...he's extremely good)
His previous stay in hospital turned out not to be his appendix, but a 7cm tumor called a soft tissue sarcoma. So, for obvious reasons, I wish we weren't having to make it at all.

There ::breathe out:: I've written it down now....in black & white, all very matter of fact. But believe me, until now, I have been incapable of writing that down without getting so irrationally angry, I physically couldn't write it. I'm not angry because of the time they took to find it, in the great scheme of things, it was only a couple of days of delay and they were completely right not to have operated on him at the time.

But I am just ANGRY. ANGRY. ANGRY!!
The anger hasn't abated or diluted in any way either, which in the normal run of events it does/should. But of course, to be replaced by other emotions.....therein, I do understand, lies the problem.

I know it's not healthy to hold on to so much anger, but I have to. Because I'm too scared not to.

Sorry to be such a party-pooper in this time of celebrations, and I am actually, oddly, sort of OK (well, apart from the anger!). But I just really felt the need to write this down RIGHT NOW, so I went with the flow.

Much love....and I wish you all a very Happy, Healthy New Year.. xxx