ONE of the plus sides to having Teens...

Parents evenings. Love them, hate them, with kids it's part of the package.
With four grown/teen children I've had my fair share of them.
About 90 of them (omg!) so far, by my estimations.

With littlies. Sitting hunch backed on an undersized chair discussing 'word recognition' and 'Number play'.

Fast forward a few years to Secondary school parents evenings.

I loathed these. Surely I can't be the only one?

5 minute slots allocated to each subject teacher. Which your 11-16 year old had the responsibility to arrange. Duh? You just know this isn't going to end well. Just getting this age group UP and OUT the house with all the correct, relevant books/coursework is difficult enough. Asking them to remember to arrange time slots for parents evenings? Ha...

Teacher no shows, just empty chairs. There go 2 of your slots. Teachers clock watching, waiting to get home, you're probably lucky to get 2 of those 5 minutes.

Lines of parents looking at watches and tapping their feet whilst glaring daggers at the parents who have the cheek to be, god forbid, running into the 7th and 8th minutes. That then means you've missed your slot with Mr **** for maths, who has now packed up and gone home assuming you're a 'no show'.

Yup, as I said, I hate parents evenings.

But, finally, now, after all these years, I'm a convert. 

This has to be one of THE most enjoyable Parents evening I've ever been to.

A 3 course meal, at £10 a head for family and friends. 

Cooked and served by students.

Admittedly, these 1st year students are studying a 3 year Catering and Hospitality course at the college and the evening is hosted in the colleges own restaurant. And yes, it is their own Parents' Evening. 

How very civilised. 

Between the 1st and 2nd courses Teen D's head tutor/chef sat at the table with us and discussed how TD had improved over the last 3 months 'noticably turning a corner during a very, very difficult year for her' and how things seem to have 'clicked into place' for her during those 3 months, how she now shows great promise for her 2nd year. 
They've seen the change, as had I. I just needed confirmation they'd seen and recognised it too.

After Dessert, a short informal speech by the Head of Department (while we were still drinking our coffee and supping our wine. Did I mention how much I'm loving this parents evening?) Followed by a brief talk from the Head tutor of year 1. Which I must just add, included an extra special mention of Teen D as THE most outstanding student of the year...

...in the 'hair colour changes' category!

Other staff members then stopped at the table, sat and chatted about Teen D. What she'd achieved during the year, what she could improve on during year 2, options etc.

If I could only go back in time and have all the Parents Evenings I've ever attended run like this, oh the joy..
Now where did I park that Time Machine?



Here are some photos, so you know I'm not lying to make you jealous or anything. Oh and of course so you can drool over the lovely food and see my Gorgeous Girl doing her stuff!

Potato Rosti,spinach,poached egg with Hollandaise

Stuffed leg of Lamb

Individual Lemon Meringue

Chocolate Fudge Brownie & Homemade Icecream

Taking my money!

Never, ever break the Rules of the Teen Handbook..CHECK!

It's 5.30pm and I've just returned from an emergency dash to TDs college.

Why?

We got a phone call at 4.45 from TDs AS level photography tutor asking for TD, who wasn't in, so I asked if I could help.

'I'm marking her AS work and I don't have her coursework book here'.

'Unfortunately if I don't have both books she'll get 0 marks, a U grading. I have her final exam book, but not the other one, and I know she's done it because I've seen it before'.
Uh-huh...

...and what was sitting in the kitchen in a bag on the floor, below the wall phone? 

Yep, the other book. The very book I suggested she might need to take in Wednesday morning, last week, when she had her final 2 hour (out of 8 hrs) exam.

The book she argued 'I won't need, it's the exam we're doing, so I only need the exam book' with only a grudging attempt to keep the sarcasm from her voice, and looking at me like I was insane, stupid or both. Because of course, what do I know, huh?

Deep breath...I tried again 'But surely they'll need to mark the whole course, not just the final exam?'

...'Oh god, Muuuuummmm! If I need the other book then I'll take it in tomorrow!'

Okaaay...enough said.

Mistake? Yes, I know not mine...
But my mistake??

The Big 'Teen' no no? I didn't check...I didn't check she'd checked.

Rule #1 of the 'How to drag up a Teenager' Handbook? Always, always check. Even when you have to suffer the exasperated sighs and inevitable eye rolling. Suck it up and CHECK!

Lucky for TD she obviously has a good tutor. Who I'm sure, would have been quite within her rights to mark and send off only what she had there and then. But, no, she phoned home. And got me. Who raced to the college, only just in time, with the fricking book TD said she didn't need.

Why don't they ever bloody listen..*Wanders off mumbling*

X-box game playing ..Or is it Maths?

TD came home from college today, extremely chuffed.

During her Maths GCSE class today, TDs tutor had them test their reaction speed, using a traffic light system of click the button when the light goes green. The students then had to record these times, and work out averages.

TD's class must have thought they'd hit the jackpot, because their homework for the next week is to play x-box games (Yes! You read that right), take the test again next week, to see if there are any changes in their reaction times, work out averages again and compare before & after using percentages/mean/median so on....

The tutor has also done the same test with another class. But requested no game playing (Like that's going to happen!) The two classes will then compare their results, work out the differences between both, using the same methods as above.

Now I will admit, I admire this particular Tutors ingenuity. Anything that instills an enthusiasm for learning can only be a positive thing. Of course, in this instance, the students don't care 2 hoots about the learning, just the game playing. But it will make the process fun and more relevant for them, and therefore it's much more likely that they will learn.

But, if I were 16 again, I'd be mighty p**sed off if I was in the other class.
Can't you just hear them....
"That's Soooo NOT fair! That's Soooo NOT happening!"

Also, dammit, I've lost one of my bargaining tools.
You know the one that goes "Yes, OK, you can go on the x-box after you've done your homework". Now to be followed by "But Mum, this IS my homework".....

And I definitely won't be believing those comparison results!

So how come I'M the one with dye under my nails?

After more than 2 months of college, TD seems to be, sort of, getting the hang of it. Dare I speak too soon?... and is this the point where I should start touching wood? (it is only one term in)

TD now realises she made a big mistake taking on 2 courses with huge coursework content. Unfortunately she came to this realisation a week too late to swap to any other subjects.
All other courses were full, so, she's got to stick with it. This is one of the reasons her mantra is 'I HATE college'. The other is, of course, it means she has to 'GET OUT OF BED'...

Both her courses, Photography and Art Design:Textiles, slowly appear to be coming together, and she's due to hand in her finished pieces next Friday.

Currently she's filling/filled up one of her two A3 size sketchbooks with negatives, test strips, notations, photographers work and her own prints.

The other one, Textiles, the one she really, really, really (Have you got that yet??!) wanted to 'drop', is straining at the seams with fabrics, sketches, paintings, and artists work. It's actually so full, it doesn't come close to shutting.....



I've tried to help her, particularly with textiles, as there is probably 12+ hrs work a week (outside of classes) to keep up with. I've added loads of pics (I'm generous like that!) to give you an idea of the amount of work generated in less than 1 term.

This is, of course :sigh: an ongoing battle as 'I HATE this course!' is another favourite line, as she tries again, to un-stitch what the sewing machine, 'This STUPID sewing machine HATES me!' somehow manages to get wrong!








Let me explain why I'm helping out. I understand TD now 'realises' she made a mistake with this course, and there is nothing she can do but plod on with it, until the end of the academic year next June. The very fact she recognises it as a mistake, and acknowledges it, is for me, a small sign of maturity. Yes I know, this is a very tenuous 'grasping at straws' logic on my part, but hey, you grasp 'em where and when you can with Teenagers!



Which is why I ended up last night, in the kitchen, supervising saucepans full of Blue & Green food dye/Ink & mutton cloth, as TD wanted a particular colour of 'Teal' fabric to use in her Final Piece.



Can I tell you something else? Just in case you're contemplating encouraging your Teens in their creative endeavours?.... THAT particular colour of 'Teal' is a real bitch to get off your fingers & nails!

Sore throats and Hamster Wheels....

I haven't posted in a while. In the last couple of weeks Teenagers have been ill, and of course, I've had it too. This stupid cold/bug is knackering, all I've wanted to do is lie down & sleep. Sore head, coughing fits, which hurt my throat. But it's getting better. At present I sound like a cross between Mariella Frostrup & a mad, manic, screeching hamster TD once had , not an attractive combination! Oh, and add the swollen glands, and I even looked like that damn Hamster.

So having a tirade at TD this morning about getting out of bed for college was probably not a wise move. For TD, being confronted from her bedroom (tip!) door by a wild haired, hamster-looking-sounding mum to 'Get out of bed ...you're supposed to be walking out the door NOW, not just getting up!' possibly didn't put her in the best mood. But after trying to get her out of her bed for 25 minutes I wasn't in the best of moods either, so yes, I lost the plot slightly, or the will to live, well, actually just my voice.

Getting her to go to college is getting harder by the day, and we're just going round and round in circles for her reasons why.

'I HATE college!!'

'What do you hate about it?'

'EVERYTHING!' My textiles tutor HATES me!

'I don't know about that, but she knows you wanted to drop the course. So maybe its hard for her to teach you, knowing you don't want to be there?'

'That doesn't give her the right to treat me like crap!'

'Yes, I agree, it doesn't'
'But maybe she's just reacting to the attitude she's getting from you?' (No kidding?!?!)

'Probably, but I don't care.....I HATE college!'

And round & round we go.....I am that manic Hamster on a wheel...

First contact sheet...And I'm a little proud & relieved!

TD came home today with a contact sheet from her Photography AS level course.

Last week, one of her Tutors took all the students down to Brighton seafront, cameras at the ready....

Very brave tutor. Imagine if you can, 20 to 30, 16 yr olds, running amok with cameras! I think I'd have been hiding in the nearest cafe with a stiff cup of tea...11am being a little too early for anything stronger..

According to TD it was a fun morning, and she managed to get her photos taken just before the skies opened up, and the rain came heaving down, sending everyone running for cover. She was so endearingly enthusiastic about the whole thing she could hardly 'talk' in a straight line when she came home.
Telling us how she had even laid down along a sea wall to try and get more interesting angles, and the fact she had managed to get a couple of shots of the 'carousel' horses & poles being moved and cleaned.

All the students developed their negatives on Monday this week, apparently amid much hysterical laughter & probably some very ripe, Teenage language, as they all fought to remove the film from the canisters inside a developing bag, and into a developing tank, in theory, blind-folded.

Today they got to play with the 'Dark Room' stuff, and print off their photos. TD says she finds it a little claustrophobic in there, with big developing trays down the centre, and enlargers/workstations down both sides. When we looked at it before her course started, I did think it looked a little like a morgue..all those stainless steel tables.....Ugh..shudder...

So, this is TD's first ever contact sheet....















And she was right, the '3 carousel horses' is a good shot. But my favourite is of the 'poles'.
I think she needs to work on the technical stuff, but then that's why she's there, that side of it will come with time and practice, but the girl has a 'good eye'.

Given the ups & downs of the last few weeks, with her wanting to drop courses, drop out of everything etc, I'm so, so happy & a little relieved that she's now enjoying her time in college.

Hands off Parenting?...Or not? And a little bit of EMA

I'm having a little dilemma at the moment.

When DO you let your Teenagers take responsibility for themselves? To leave them to make decisions and choices on their own?

TD has been at college for 3 weeks now. Her timetable is varied, time wise. For 3 days she starts at 8.40am, which means she leaves the house at about 8am, and 2 of these finish at about 1pm. The other 2 she has 11.10 starts, and these finish a little later, 3.15pm.

Almost every single day so far, she's not come back home until 9-10pm. I do get phone calls or texts, telling me she's going to a friends/meeting up with friends in town etc..

OK I thought, she's 16, I realise a strong social network IS important at this age, my addled brain does allow me to remember that much!

Also, it's good she's letting me know where she is. I ask if she wants a meal here or is she eating with friends & when will she be home? Just standard questions. Nothing interfering in those. So far almost all her meals have been eaten at about 11pm in the kitchen, whilst still 'texting' the friends she has just spent 7-8 hours with!

There's been little evidence of any coursework being done, and 2 of her courses are 'very heavy' on the coursework* front. I'm sure they must have given her some by now?? Although of course, when would she have time to do any coursework, what with all the socialising??

TD also complains at the moment about how unfair it is that a lot of her friends get EMA and she doesn't, so she has 'no' money. Erm...apart from all that money we hand out on a very regular basis.

If you're not aware of what EMA is, it's a Government initiative to get school leavers to attend Further Education in the form of a bribe to keep unemployment figures down. I'm sorry if I offend anyone by saying that, it's just my personal view. I know that's not what it's supposed to be about, its about helping families with lower incomes continue with Further Education, when possibly they would not have done so, due to financial constraints. But it seems to have changed into the very reason a lot of Teenagers actually go to college.
Basically, if a household income is under £30,000 a year, the student gets up to £30 a week (means tested) to attend college, and is based on attendance. The student has to have (not sure of the exact number) 90% attendance to claim it. This is tough for families getting just over the £30,000, as the student doesn't qualify for EMA, but they still have all the expense of College life.

So, as you can imagine, my suggestion of a part-time job for TD did not go down too well. Why should she go and get a job when lots of her friends get £30 a week for going to college, when she goes for nothing! Don't you just love the logic in that.....this is the opinion of one teenager, but I think it's the feeling of many who don't receive EMA. Gee.... thanks Government, for the encouraging 'Work Ethic' message you're promoting.

On the part-time job front, TD says her 'College recommends not getting a job in the 1st year'....presumably this is to do with the amount of coursework given..Hmm (*see above).
Or, of course, stupid me, it's to allow their students to fit in 8hrs of socialising a day!

Sorry, I've digressed a little.

Back to the dilemma.

I'd hoped that over the years, I'd given TD some guidance, enough to help her make informed choices for herself. And I do understand there is a transition stage, for us mere parents, of 'letting go' and allowing Teenagers to make their own mistakes. But how far should we let them go before saying something? Because at the moment, if I say anything I get accused of 'not giving her any responsibility'.

When your children are small, you wouldn't dream of letting them walk out in front of a car. You teach them about road safety, and watch them to make sure they've learnt. And you jump in bloody quick if they haven't. Eventually they learn, I know.

So for now I'm trying a little hands off parenting.

Trying not to put my twopence worth in. I did the 'its about balance, a bit of socializing, a bit of college work, maybe a part time job...balance' talk....that went down as well as you might expect!.....I seem to remember the words 'always telling me what to do and how to do it' were in there somewhere...

TD is not walking out in front of cars, not literally anyway, she's not a toddler. So I am trying to stand back, hands off, well to be honest, it's more like holding them clamped over my mouth, while she makes her own mistakes, and hopefully learns from them. But it is very hard.

This is definitely one of those times when you question your parenting skills.
Am I doing this right?...Wrong?

Who knows? Only time will tell...

Back to School...But check the messages!

For anyone with children between 4 and 16, you are already aware that school is now back...Hurrah!..Woo-hoo!
Not for me though, no more 'school', instead college. TD is starting college on Thursday.

So, with no more schools to deal with, I thought I'd share an email that OH sent me, for which I take NO credit, and have no idea where it originated. This is particularly apt for anyone with Teenagers...well, it made me smile anyway! And if you haven't done any of this yet...believe me, you probably will!

RING RING....RING RING...

'Hello...you have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making your selection.

To lie about why your child is absent, press 1

To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her homework, press 2

To complain about what we do, press 3

To swear at staff members, press 4

To ask why you didn't get information, that has already been enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers that have been mailed to you, press 5

To request another teacher, for the 3rd time this year, press 6

To complain about bus transportation, press 7

To complain about school lunches, press 8

If you want us to raise your child, press 9

If you realise that this is the real world, and your child must be accountable and responsible for his or her own behaviour, classwork and homework and it's not the teachers fault for your child's lack of effort, hang up and have a nice day.

Thank you for your interest in Public Education'

Ooops....erm...I must admit I have actually done a couple of those. But TDs school message definitely never had the option to press 9, for those occasions that made me want to pull my hair out with frustration! You know, maybe at 10.30pm, on a school night, with a moody, un-cooperative Teenager..GOD how I wish I'd known about that one!

Now, I must just go & check TDs new college answer phone message.......