The brilliance of the Blogosphere...and lovely hugs!

Whilst catching up with my reading of blogs, late (as I do) on Friday evening, I spotted a post by Maternal Tales titled Bloody Babysitter which to me didn't look like a feel good, happy post title. I couldn't believe it when I started to read about the babysitter who never having babysat for Emily before was asking to bring her boyfriend along! First time babysitting for someone? As a teenager I spent loads of Friday/Saturday nights babysitting, so I was astounded by her cheek. Did the girl really think Emily would say 'Yes of course sweetie, its fine'??

Anyway, reading the post I thought of TD, who by this point had already gone to bed but never, ever goes straight to sleep, what with msn, Facebook on her fancy phone, and often complains about lack of 'her own' money.
So I called her on her mobile (it is 4 flights of stairs...give me a break!) and, yup, I woke her up!

Oops...

I quickly asked her if she would like to babysit for a friend & earn a little cash of her own. Actually not that little, £6 an hour, and it's not exactly 'hard' labour is it?

Given that she had just been woken up, she couldn't remember if she had plans or not.

'Mummy, can we talk about it in the morning?'...

With that my OH said to me 'Why don't you do it? They're only up the road'

Good idea, I was only going to be watching x-factor anyway, I can do that there.

So a quick comment on MT's blog, knowing Emily would probably already be in bed, and a quick one on FB to let her know if TD could'nt do it, I was happy to, but could I please watch x-factor?

TD had plans, of course she did.

Both OH and I were invited over to catch up and have a drink before OH had to come back home, to cook dinner for hungry teenagers and Emily & JP went to the party. Also for me to meet Renee and Edie (yes, I know, I am a bad, bad friend, it really is that long since we had last met up) before they went to bed.

One of the nicest parts of this for me, apart from the obvious, of catching up with friends and remembering how much you enjoy their company, was the following.....

At about 9pm, Edie called out, I could'nt quite decipher what she was saying as she was still sweetly, half asleep, sitting up, with her thumb firmly in her mouth. So I did what mums do, I stroked her head gently, and as she lay down I stroked her back, all the while cooing softly...'Ssshhh..ssshhh'....and up she popped....so same again...'Ssshhh..sshhh'...But this time with a wriggle...
Maybe loo time? So I lifted her from her cot, and she clamped her little arms & legs round me to carry her, still asleep.

And that sleepy hug was a lovely moment...

My babies are all grown up, and yes they still hug me, loads.
And we don't know anyone with small children anymore, all teenagers now.

Believe me, there is nothing on earth like a half sleeping toddler, trustingly allowing you to carry them, and hugging you, to make your heart smile. And to think, I'd forgotten about it and taken it for granted with my own.

So, I would like to thank Lucy the 'Bloody Babysitter' for sending Emily a 'f****ng illiterate text message' which incensed her to the point of posting about it. Is'nt the blogosphere wonderful sometimes?

Thank you, Lucy, it was my pleasure.....

Teenagers on Facebook.....

Over the weekend, I removed my Teenage Daughter as a ‘Friend’ on Facebook.

Why you may wonder?

In the interest of my Mental Health…let me try to explain…..

Of course some of you may also be wondering why on earth I would have her on my friends list in the first place. It can only end in tears…..

We live in the same house (she is only 15, sorry, ‘Nearly 16!!’). So why would I need to see her on FB. Well, I admit, possibly to keep up to date with her social life, her friends. Maybe to help me feel I’m still a part of her life, as she is growing up and away, (sob) which is as it should be… Or maybe I’m just plain nosey...?? Come on, be honest, who doesn’t want to know a little of what their Teenagers are really up to?? They can truly be the most secretive of creatures. Which we were also, so I do understand and respect this. I promise I do! I try really hard!

Also please, don’t get me wrong, we do have lots of conversations, and lots of them are engaging, funny and even make sense! But, sometimes, particularly at the moment, they seem to consist of a sort of abbreviated, shorthand language…

ME: ‘Have you d….’

TD: ‘I know……’

ME: ‘Ok…’

TD: ‘I said, I know’

ME: ‘I was just asking, as you said that last ti…’

TD: ‘Alright.. I KNOW!'

Or

(All in one breathe, I might add)

TD: ‘I can’t believe (please feel free to insert any of the current, popular names of teenage girls in any of these xxx) said that about xxxx, that is just so mean, just because xxxx said so and so about xxxx, they can’t go round saying things like that abou….’

ME tentatively: ‘Maybe they should sort it out between themselves?’ (Seeing the writing on the wall)

TD: ‘But they’re my friends, and xxxx shouldn’t be saying that about xxxx’

ME: ‘Yes, I agree, but if you start telling xxxx what xxxx has said or taking sides you’ll just end u….’

TD: ‘Yes…alright…I KNOW…!’

…and these are the conversations that give me most cause for concern….as we all know, if acted upon (and they are, frequently as TDs ‘injustice’ button is fully pushed), how they end…..But will TD listen? Like hell she will!

I can already hear you thinking 'No surprise there then…’…but then we are looking at this through the eyes of our own maturity, wisdom and that wonderful thing hindsight…Hah! But we all recognise that interfering in others arguments will only cause you pain.

To hear, from her personally, of being out of favour with friends, because she believes she has acted in someone else’s best interests, is painful enough. To actually watch it unfold via FB is enough to make me cry.

….it breaks my heart.

My daughter, who is big hearted, brave, clever, kind, funny, extremely loyal, hates injustice with a passion, outspoken, I swear…she doesn’t edit anything in her head before it comes out, (which can have its hilarious moments) and can be stubborn...Always, and I mean ALWAYS seems to get the rough end of the deal in every one of these conflicts. And of course, that would be because of those same qualities which make her the individual she is, the person I love, and admire, and I sincerely hope she never loses them…. but perhaps just a little ‘Fine Tuning?!?

I don’t want her to hurt for any reason. As the person who carried her, loved and nurtured her, helped and watched her grow into the beautiful young adult she now is, my instinct is to protect. I still want to scoop her up and tell her everything will be fine (a bit difficult as she is already taller than me) the way I could when she was little, where I could kiss and soothe it all away. I know I can’t do it the same way anymore…..

She wants to deal with it, in fact insists, her way and on her own. And she’s right of course, I agree with her. How many Teenagers do you know, who will listen, let alone follow advice or suggestions from a Parent..I've not met one yet. But it’s so, so hard. All I can hope is that, over her 15 years, sorry again, ‘nearly 16!!’, I've given her some kind of direction, and trust that at some point she will learn and understand, when necessary to ‘Let people sort it out themselves and not interfere’ ….but I think it may be some time!

I find the sniping and bitchiness on FB, quite shocking. Is this the way they all talk to each other now? Admittedly, it is mainly, but not exclusively, in the ‘Teenage’ realm. My daughter included I might add, please, my love is blinkered, not blind! So a lesson learned, by me.....I think.

So, I’m not sure I want to watch it on FB anymore, it’s too painful and far too tempting to interfere.In fact I have done so a couple of times (but in private,on ‘chat’ not in public) to TD..erm....er..Uh-oh!

….Aha!!..(OMG! OMG! Please, just shoot me now..)

But of course, when I do it, it’s NOT interfering..*cough* *splutter*

Oh dear!…….What sort of Mother am I…